


Hatter's Idea

by Rachel1987



Category: Adventures In Wonderland (TV 1992)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:00:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel1987/pseuds/Rachel1987
Summary: A short story about a great idea Hatter got one day at a tea party...
Kudos: 1





	Hatter's Idea

Image by MangyKitten/Rachel1987

It was five o’clock and Hatter and Hare were more than an hour into their daily tea party when Hatter suddenly sat upright, slamming his teacup on the table as an idea came to him. This wasn’t unusual, the pair usually came up with their best schemes when they brewed ginger root tea. And they were well into their second kettle when that wide grin crossed Hatter’s face.

“Hare!” he exclaimed, his eyes nearly glossing over as his mind raced. “I’ve just thought of something!”

“Oh! I think we may have had the same thought!” Hare replied with a smile. “But I dont think a giraffe would make a good comedian because all his jokes would go over everyone’s head.”

Hatter opened his mouth to say something, paused and shook his head, and muttered, “No… I think we need to spice up this tea party a little.”

“Maybe we should have let it steep longer?” Hare furrowed his brow and looked into his cup, swirling around his now lukewarm tea. “Mine has plenty of ginger in it.”

“Nooo!” Hatter exclaimed, waving his arms around in the air before reaching across the table and gripping Hare by the shoulders. “Wanna go for a field trip?”

“As a matter of fact, I already have my permission slip signed!” Hare smiled, pulling a yellow slip of paper from his jacket and waving it in Hatter’s face. “Where are we going?”

“I’ll explain on the way!” Hatter laughed, gripping his hat and getting to his feet, racing off with Hare on his heels.

\--

The pair snuck up to the courtyard on tiptoe, hiding behind the hedges for a moment before peeking their heads around them to make sure the coast was clear.

The palace was deserted, as they knew it would be. This was usually the time when the Red Queen and Rabbit took their afternoon walk around the kingdom and they would be out for probably another half hour. More than enough time for Hatter and Hare to get in and out without being noticed.

“Okay, Hare, you know what to do…” Hatter stage whispered as they snuck past the heart-shaped gate and hedges.

Hare covered his mouth as he giggled, following Hatter on tiptoe to their destination. They snuck their way through the throne room and down the hall, through the kitchen and into Rabbit’s quarters. Hatter flamboyantly slammed the door and locked it tight once they were both inside.

“Here we are!” he announced as the pair looked around Rabbit’s small room. There wasn’t much to look at, a bed and desk and a wardrobe filled with vests and shin guards, but Hare giggled at a picture of Rabbit and his mother from when he was five.

“Hatter, look at this!” Hare gawked, snatching up the photo and giving it a better look. “Can you believe he let his mother cut his bangs like that?”

“Not now, Hare! We have a mission to accomplish!” Hatter furrowed his brow and waved his friend away. “How much time do we have?”

“Uh…” Hare replaced the photo and looked at his wristwatch. “Maybe another 25 minutes. We should get to work.”

“Righty roo!” Hatter exclaimed, beelining his way to the Rabbit’s bookshelf. He picked up an armful and flung them onto Rabbit’s bed, throwing his long body onto the mattress after them. Hare shrugged and also jumped onto Rabbit’s bed, crawling his way up next to his friend before taking a seat amongst the pillows. He made sure his butt was on the one that Rabbit put his head on to sleep. They were, after all, 12 year olds in adult bodies.

Hatter plucked a book up from the pile and held his hand out to his buddy. “Hare, you brought the markers?”

“Of course I brought the markers!” Hare beamed, reaching into his jacket and retrieving two thick black pens. He gave one to Hatter and watched him uncap it, sticking out his tongue as he flipped through the pages of the book. The Hare did the same with his own book, finding that it didn’t have anything he was looking for before tossing it onto the floor.

“Aha!” Hatter shouted, slapping his hand against the book as he got to a page with a small illustration on it. “Found one!”

Hare’s ears perked as he got on his knees, biting his lip as he watched Hatter slowly move his marker toward the paper.

“Hatter, wait…” Hare reached out and stopped Hatter, biting his lip a little as he started thinking about what they were doing. This was vandalism! “Don’t you think it’s kind of mean to do this? I mean, these will be permanent.”

The tall man paused and looked down at the marker in his hand, suddenly feeling a pang of guilt. “Hare, old buddy, you’re right. What was I thinking…” he frowned and tossed the marker out the window. “Pencils would be a better idea.”

“Right ahead of you!” Hare chuckled as he reached into his jacket and produced two very large pencils, one yellow and one purple. Hatter took the purple with his left hand and returned his attention to the book.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Hatter admired the image, a little bunny boy pushing a bunny girl sitting on a swing. 

“Yes…” Hare agreed, picking up a book of his own and flipping through the pages. “I think they need big sombreros.”

Hatter gasped and looked at Hare with admiration in his eyes. “Hare, you’re a genius!”

Hare blushed and shrugged his shoulders, adding little devil horns and a spiked tail to an illustration of a school teacher tutoring children on their English.

The pair worked their way through nearly a dozen books each, doodling little additions to each illustration, giggling to themselves all the time. They ran the gamut from simple mustaches to adding characters to scenes. Hatter was halfway through doodling a penis on the face of an evil Queen when they heard a familiar voice from the throne room.

“Rabbit! I require more ice in my lemonade!”

Their eyes grew wide and Hare’s hands went to his face as they looked at each other.

“Yikes!” Hatter stage whispered as he got to his feet, scrambling to pick up the books strewn around the bed and floor. With lightning speed, the couple cleaned up the room so it looked more or less as it did before they had arrived. Hare took the time to rub his butt on Rabbit’s pillows one last time before the Hatter unlocked the door.

“Time to go, pal!”

Once again, they tiptoed down the hall and paused at the throne room door, peeking around to see the Queen sitting on her large chair with her feet up. The Rabbit was taking her walking shoes off her feet and she was drinking her lemonade through a straw.

“How are we going to get past them?” Hare squeaked, looking up at Hatter with a furrowed brow.

Hatter narrowed his eyes and looked around the room, his mind racing. He wished he had more of his ginger root tea, it seemed that his thinker had slowed down. After a few moments, he patted Hare on the shoulder.

“I think maybe we should just leave through the front door.”

Hare blinked, his mouth gaping open for a moment before chuckling to himself. Of course! The front door! Why hadn’t he thought of that before!? He then chuckled again, because he made a rhyme.

They tiptoed their way down the hall and, just as Hatter’s hand turned the knob on the front door, there was a noise behind them.

“Hatter! Hare! What are you doing here?”

The pair gulped and looked at each other with wide eyes again, turning on their heels and looking at the Rabbit with overly bright smiles.

“Rabbit!” Hatter greeted him with an over enthusiastic wave. “The door was unlocked and we figured we’d just walk our way in.”

The Hare nodded in agreement, tapping his fingers together in front of his chest. “We came to ask a favor.”

“A favor?” Rabbit cocked his brow at them.

“Yes!” the Hatter agreed, nodding largely at the Hare. “We need to borrow some cream.”

Rabbit looked at them incredulously, blinking slowly. “You came all the way here to borrow… cream?”

“For the tea party!” Hare nodded. “We went to the see the Cow but she’s off on her mission to the Moon and won’t be back till next Tuesday’s tea party.”

“Oh, yes…” Hatter pursed his lips. “I hope she makes it all the way over the moon this time and doesn’t get stuck in the Milky way.”

“Maybe then she can bring us back some milk too…” Hare remarked, jabbing Hatter in the ribs as he laughed at his own joke.

The Rabbit was done with this and sighed. He was about to tell them so when another voice came from the courtyard.

“Rabbit!? What’s taking you so long?” The group turned to see the Red Queen stalking her way toward them, her bare feet showing beneath her dress. “If I don’t soak my toesies soon they’re about to fall off… oh! Hatter. Hare. What are you doing here?”

Rabbit rolled his eyes. “They’re here to borrow cream, your Majesty.”

“For our tea party.” Hatter nodded, Hare agreeing with him silently from beside him.

“Oh…” the Queen muttered, suddenly very aware that she was barefoot and now ludicrous it must seem to see her indecent in front of her subjects. “Well, Rabbit, give them what they want so they can be on their way. And get me my bucket with hot water. And don’t skimp out on the bubbles!”

The Rabbit’s shoulders drooped as he returned his attention to the Hatter and Hare, both of them beaming at him with obviously guilty looks on their faces. He wracked his brain as he looked around, trying to see anything out of the ordinary as he walked them into the kitchen and to the fridge, where he gave them a pitcher of cream.

“Thanks, Rabbit!” Hatter said gleefully, slapping Rabbit on the back as Hare took the pitcher. “We knew we could count on you!”

“Yes, well…” Rabbit’s whiskers twitched as he looked at them with tired eyes. “Any time.”

“You’d better get the Queen that bucket!” Hare smiled, ears bouncing as he gestured toward the throne room with his head. “You make the queen wait much longer and she’ll put her foot up your-”

A hand was clamped down on Hare’s mouth as the Hatter stage whispered “Filter…”

Hare nodded and remained silent.

“Yes…” Rabbit agreed one final time, waiting for the pair to make their exit. The three stood there awkwardly before the Rabbit finally added, “Was there something else?”

“Oh, no no!” Hatter laughed, tapping his hat nervously. “Come Hare!”

Hare nodded his head again and followed Hatter through the throne room (and the Queen still waiting for her bucket) and through the courtyard and the heart-shaped gate.

\--

“That was a close one!” Hare breathed as he put the pitcher of cream down on the tea table.

“Yes, well…” Hatter sighed, taking a seat on the table and looking at the platters of sweets before plucking up a tart and taking a nibble from it. “That was exciting, wasn’t it?”

“Sure was,” Hare agreed, picking up the kettle of tea and shaking it, feeling that it was still half full. “Should we brew a fresh pot while we wait for Rabbit to discover our work?”

“Indubitably!” Hatter exclaimed, scarfing down the rest of his tart before picking up the other kettle and leading the way into the Hat house.

They didn’t know they would have to wait a few days before their work was discovered. They had nearly forgotten about it when they heard a bunny wheeling his way up their walk, shouting their names at the top of his voice.

“Hatter! Hare! Get out here at once!”

The pair put their tea cups down and looked up to see both the Rabbit and Alice coming their way, each holding stacks of books.

“That's an awful lot of library books...” Hare commented, rushing forward to open the gate for them. “Are you getting late fees on all of them?”

“What have you two numbskulls done to my books!?” Rabbit didn’t waste a second laying in on them, a furious look on his face with the books in his arms. Hatter wanted to laugh, Rabbit’s face was nearly all one shade of red.

“What are you talking about?” Hatter asked, his brow furrowed.

“Someone has vandalized over half my book collection!” Rabbit shouted, stomping his foot. “And this has your name all over it!”

Hatter honestly didn’t know what the Rabbit was talking about. He lifted his hat and scratched his head with a gloved hand. “How could someone do something so awful?! Hare, clear the table, let them put the books down.”

Hatter and Hare shoved half the cups and saucers off the table to allow Alice and the Rabbit to free up their arms.

“We know it was you, Mr Hatter,” Alice sighed as she rubbed her tired arm. “You kept adding top hats to all your pictures.”

“And Hare wrote ‘Hare wuz here’ in the back of my copy of Bunnyrella,” Rabbit said, straightening up his vest.

Hare grimaced as he looked at the Hatter, who suddenly remembered what they had done.

“Oh! Oh! Wait!” The Hatter slapped his knee and laughed boisterously like he just understood the punchline of a good joke. Hare joined in and the pair laughed until they were red in the face and had tears streaming down their cheeks. The Dormouse, who was alarmed by all the shouting, stuck his head out of his tea pot and shook his head at them.

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about?” Hatter said between laughs, wiping a tear away from his eye as he approached the Rabbit.

“Oh, you don’t do you?” The Rabbit mused, picking up a book with a red cover and flipping through the pages. He stopped and cocked his brow, before he thrust the picture of the evil Queen into Hatter’s face, the one with the penis on it. “I had to explain to Alice what this was!”

“Oh, yes, I was very proud of that one!” Hatter beamed, laughing joyously as he looked at it. He turned his head to the side as he showed his handwork to everyone, only looking up when the Rabbit shouted in frustration.

“You both are going to erase every bit of profanity out of these pages!”

“Oh… but it would be such a shame!” Hare sighed, his ears drooping a little. “We worked so hard on all these.”

“I don’t care. This is vandalism and I want it eradicated from my books immediately.”

“Then why don’t you do it?” Hatter asked, thrusting the book at Rabbit.

“Because he didn’t do it, Mr Hatter,” Alice said sternly. “You did. And it was mean of you to trick Mr Rabbit like that.”

“I don’t think it was very mean,” Hare shrugged. “I think it was mostly funny.”

“Well, it wasn’t very nice. And it wasn’t something a friend would do to another friend.”

Hatter and Hare looked at each other with defeated looks on their faces. A 12 year old girl had gotten the better of them.

“How true that is, young Alice. Fiiine…” Hatter heaved, holding his gloved hand out for Rabbit to give him an overly large rubber eraser. “Get a rubbin, Hare.”

Hare scrunched up his face and took the eraser from Rabbit.

“Also,” the Rabbit added, looking Hare in the face as he spoke. “The Cow never jumped over the moon. She had to reschedule due to low cloud coverage.”

“Wash your pillows recently, Rabbit?” Hare asked with a chuckle.

  
  



End file.
